Would you date yourself?

Would you date yourself?

We all have standards we expect a potential partner to meet and subjective measures of the qualities we look for in a mate, based on our personal preferences and beliefs.

Perhaps a general checklist of age, height, fitness level, attractiveness, education, professional success, financial health, talent, pedigree, social status, geography, etc. to more substantial qualities like skilled communicator, respectful, respected, loyal, honest, responsible, ambitious, has children, wants children, parenting style, spiritual beliefs, etc.

Have you ever measured yourself against those standards? Are you the person you want your potential partner to be? Would you date yourself?

If we’re honest with ourselves and the answer is no, then the chances of us measuring up to that person’s standards and desired qualities aren’t great.

If the goal is to attract that ideal partner into our lives, we should first do the work to be the person we’d like to date.

The end result will be a much healthier and happier us, accomplishing two things: 1. we will be much more content and complete on our own and won’t be as desperate to be partnered; and 2. we will be much more likely to attract our ideal mate into our life, because we will be the person they want to date.

So, I ask again, would you date yourself? It’s certainly a question I’ve been asking myself lately and I’m not afraid to admit that the answer isn’t always a resounding yes. I’ve got some work to do.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and experience with me in the comments or by email at gypsydeeva@outlook.com

What is love?

What is love?

What does being in love mean to you? No really, think about that for a minute, before you answer.

I thought I knew what love, or being in love, meant to me, but I was wrong. Maybe you’ve got it all figured out and you’re good. If that’s the case, then I’m pleased for you! But I didn’t…and I don’t.

Nothing is mysterious, no human relation. Except love.

Susan Sontag

You see, when I was 16, my parents separated. It was messy, as was their entire marriage. My mother and I moved out, she promptly sat me down and through her bitterness, cautioned me to “never, ever become dependent on a man!” So, like an obedient daughter, I didn’t. I remained detached and aloof, just enough to protect myself from heartbreak, through every relationship I’ve ever had, my entire life.

Until recently.

I met and began to date an absolutely amazing guy. We hadn’t been dating very long when he professed his love for me. This wasn’t a new experience – a man expressing his love to me, but this time was different. This time I felt something for him I’d never felt before. Mercy sakes! Talk about uncharted territory. Well it took a while, but eventually, I returned the sentiment.

What I didn’t realize, was that I had all kinds of expectations attached to being in love.

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything.

Katherine Hepburn

My brain was programmed to a certain definition of love.

You know the one. Meet, fall in love, get married (or in this day and age, perhaps move in together first), buy the house, complete with white picket fence. Yes, that’s the one!

If he’s in love me, he must want those things, right? And if I’m in love with him, then I must want those things, too. After all, that’s what people who are in love do, isn’t it?

Or maybe not!

Maybe that’s right for some people and maybe eventually, it’ll be right for us, I don’t know. But the beauty of it is, we don’t need to know, not right now.

We have a fantastic friendship, an abundance of fun together, a super cool combined group of friends, a compatible approach to parenting, a healthy respect for one another’s time and space, and a bodice-ripping sex life! 😉 So yeah, things are pretty great, just as they are.

Am I “in love” with him? Honestly? I don’t know. Because I had to “fall in love” to realize I didn’t actually know what being in love really meant…to me.

I don’t know if he’s the perfect man for me – my forever, but he’s my Mr. Right now and right now, he’s perfect for me.

And I love that about him!

The giving of love is an education in itself.

Eleanor Roosevelt

You are cordially uninvited!

You are cordially uninvited!

When I was in junior high school, one of the girls in my grade decided to have a party. Just us girls! We discussed it endlessly; planning what food dish we would each take, the sleeping arrangements, activities, topics of conversation, etc. It promised to be quite the affair, one we would fondly remember for years. Read More

Why can’t we be that couple?

Why can’t we be that couple?

One Christmas, a few years ago, I was dating a very sweet guy and he arranged a romantic date at a local ranch. Dinner for two, wine, a box of chocolates and a single red rose, but first a horse-drawn sleigh ride. Everyone was inside the big tent, drinking hot chocolate, waiting for the sleigh to be ready. As we all filed outside, to my delight, he and I were ushered over to a private sleigh for two. As we got settled under the wool blanket, hot chocolate in hand, he leaned in and said “we’re that couple!” Read More

Ask Temple!

Ask Temple!
I often find myself in situations where folks come to me for advice or to be a sounding board and provide guidance on how I might approach a similar situation. I’d like to start sharing those conversations with you, in hopes they help others going through the same thing.

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