The passion at the beginning of an age-gap relationship can be powerful. The younger partner appreciates the maturity, experience and absence of drama from the older partner. The older partner loves the energy and sex appeal of the younger partner.
The age-gap union can be accompanied by unique challenges though. The generation gap creates potential ignorance of cultural references, possible disapproval from friends, family and community, perhaps different desires for children, life-span realities, etc.
What are people going to think?
I was in an age-gap relationship about 5 years ago, he was 10 years my junior. Early in the relationship, I recall having a conversation with my very wise son. He said “first of all, mom, he looks a few years older than his age and you look significantly younger, so people probably don’t even notice an age gap, guys definitely don’t, because we don’t really care and if women notice, they’re probably envious, so I wouldn’t worry about what other people think.”
What about children?
The matter of children came up in that same relationship. He didn’t have any children and my son was college age.
The conversation went a little something like this:
Him: “I was 95% sure, prior to meeting you, that I didn’t want children anyway, so it’s no big deal.”
Me: “What if we’re 2 years in and you wake up one morning and realize you want a family? Where does that leave me?”
Him: “Are you happy now?”
Me: “Yes”
Him: “So am I. Why don’t we just enjoy that?”
He was right! If I’ve learned anything from my perpetually single life, it’s that there are no guarantees in love, regardless of the circumstances. Being tied to the outcome can distract you from the magic of the moment.
It is prudent to be prepared for the inevitable though, as folks do tend to take liberties with their attitudes and comments, simply because of the age gap, feeling they have the right to comment on or ask certain question about the relationship.
“Are you dating him/her for his/her money?”
“Is he/she your sugar daddy/momma?”
“What is your sex life like?”
“Can he still get it up?”
“Isn’t she going through menopause?”
It’s akin to folks taking liberties to touch a pregnant woman’s belly without permission. I mean, you wouldn’t walk up to some stranger in the mall and rub her belly if she wasn’t pregnant, what makes people think they have the right to invade a woman’s personal space, just because she’s expecting?
Although my experience with age-gap relationships has been primarily with younger men, I have also dated men up to 15 years older. As a matter of fact, I recently dated a man 13 years my senior and there were certainly moments of “no, I’m not familiar with that Pink Floyd reference, because I was 6″, but if you both love music, it’s an opportunity to expose one another to a new cultural perspective. Was he likely to die well before me? Probably, and it’s prudent to be aware of the realities of aging at different rates, but all the more reason to thoroughly enjoy the union now, while you’re both still healthy and fit enough to do so.
Is age just a number? Yes, for the most part.
Is the age-gap relationship feasible? Of course it is!
The potential for success in a romantic relationship is more about a compatible approach to life, similar fitness levels and shared goals, than it is about age.
In my opinion.