Meaningful Relationships: Release Control and Trust the Process

Meaningful relationship are about releasing control – surrendering and trusting the process.

It’s important to have clarity around the relationship we desire, so we can keep that foremost in our mind and allow our actions to work backward from that. But we should try to avoid becoming attached to the outcome, because we can’t control what other people do or don’t do, what they feel or don’t feel. It’s not our job, nor is it in our power, to control what happens outside of us. The only thing we have control over is our own emotions and actions.

Control is rooted in fear, we try to manage or control a situation when we feel we have something to lose. Have you ever been on a date with someone and you know within the first few minutes that you’re not interested in that person romantically? Think about your actions in that situation. If you’re like me, you make an effort to be polite and engaging, but you’re not hyper-vigilant about every little thing you say or do, because you have nothing to lose. You’re just you, in your natural, relaxed and less anxious state.

Now think about the last date you were on with someone you really liked and saw potential with. You were likely more aware of your words and actions, more anxious, less relaxed, less you in your natural state. Why? Likely because you recognized you had something to lose and you were attempting to control the situation.

When we are trapped in the energy of control our vision narrows, breath grows shallow, adrenaline rises, heart rate increases, concentration is low and our awareness of the present moment is diminished.

On the other hand, when we reside in the energy of surrender, we are calm and peaceful, we breath deeply, see clearly and are present in the moment.

The irony is, whatever we’re trying to control is actually controlling us.

When we surrender, we accept what is and have faith in what will be, without our input. We stop fighting the universe and the natural flow of things. We shift our action from a place of control to a place of surrender.

How do we do that? We start by identifying our fear. What do we fear will happen if we relinquish control? Then we question the validity of that fear? Is it true or likely to happen? Next we determine if we have any direct influence over the outcome we fear. Is it even any of our business? And finally we ask ourselves if letting go of that fear would feel like freedom. The answer is inevitably a resounding yes!

Releasing control – surrendering and trusting the process is a skill we can all master, with practise.

I don’t know about you, but I’m certainly a work in progress.

6 comments / Add your comment below

  1. Gypsy wrote:
    “When we surrender, we accept what is and have faith in what will be, without our input. We stop fighting the universe and the natural flow of things. We shift our action from a place of control to a place of surrender.”

    Allowing myself to be vulnerable has been a wonderful journey, one that has been rewarded with experiences and personal growth that were previously unimaginable. Saying “Yes!” to all that the universe offers was scary at first, slowly got easier, then snowballed with the infinite possibilities. Thank you, universe!

    1. I’ve had a few friends adopt the “just say yes” practice and all have reported that it was a positive impact in their life. Thanks for your comments, Steve!

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